Reader, this season is hard.
If I could sit across the table from you, cup of coffee in hand, and pour out all that is on my heart, I’d share how I’m feeling cooped up, isolated, a little bit anxious and a lotta bit lonely. I’d share how my moods are changing by the hour, and how though some days I feel like I can identify and embrace all the beauty and joy there is to be found in this season; most days, I’m battling for joy and rejoicing is painful. I’d share how I’m finding so much to be thankful for, yet mourning the loss of so much. And I’d tell you how I’m feeling guilty about my struggle because I have been infinitely blessed and so many of my neighbors haven’t been. I’d tell you how most days I question who I am to consider this season one of suffering.
And I’d ask you the same questions I’ve been asking God.
Questions like: How do we rejoice in this season of suffering, isolation and loneliness? What does it look like to give thanks when so many people are losing and living in desperation? In this season of emotional frailty and weakness, where do we find the strength to rejoice in the Lord? When all we have are hard emotions, exhausted hearts, and weary minds, how do we embrace the command to rejoice?
Do we muster up “good” emotions? Do we look for the silver lining? Do we try to fake it ‘til we make it? And what about that thing called joy? Is it there and we just can’t find it? Or are we doing joy wrong?
you know when I love that idea? That idea of God making beauty from my
love it when I’m in the beautiful moments of life. When I’m sitting with my
Bible open in the early hours of the morning, sun shining through my apartment
window, warm coffee in hand, praise music on, and prayers of gratitude pouring
from my lips. When I’m sitting by still waters and God’s peace has captured my
heart for an hour or two and all I feel is still. When I’m laughing with my
husband, caught up in the realization of just how lovely it is to be
vulnerable, known, and unconditionally loved by another human being, despite
the sin that courses through both of us. I love that idea when work is going
well and loving my co-workers is easy and when I see them, I see God and his
heart for them. When I’m in a season where the Lord has put all the pieces together
and I am so aware of how perfect his plans truly are. When I’m sitting at a
coffee shop, words pouring from my heart, and the Holy Spirit is speaking life
right into my soul.
those moments, I love the idea of God making beauty from my brokenness. Because
it is so nice to sit in that beautiful place of reflection, thinking of all the
ways God acted on my behalf to bring me where I am – to a place of being more
free and walking in more victory than I used to.
know when I don’t love this idea?
Ugh. Did you have to put it that way? “The Christian who doesn’t trust God…” That sounds so…harsh.
Yep. I did have to put it that way.
“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s anything that serious. Everyone doubts sometimes!”
“I’ve always been a pretty anxious person, it doesn’t mean I have deep trust issues.”
“But, I believe in God, so how can you say I don’t trust him?”